


How Far The Cannonball Flies

by roryheadmav



Series: The (Mis)Adventures of Pirate Tom and British Navy Captain Chris [3]
Category: Actor RPF, hiddlesworth - Fandom
Genre: Actor Jensen, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Hiddlesworth, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 13:03:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1689272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roryheadmav/pseuds/roryheadmav
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another story in the Pirate Tom and British Navy Captain Chris series. A cannon duel will only lead to disastrous consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Far The Cannonball Flies

**HOW FAR THE CANNONBALL FLIES**

**Copyright May 26, 2013 By Rory**

 

 

"What'll we do, Captain? They have us cornered!"

 

Captain Tom Hiddleston's right eyebrow slowly went up as he glanced down at his First Mate Martin Freeman, who was fearfully eyeing Her Majesty's frigate the Dancing Elsa which had stopped alongside them. He didn't want to point out to Martin that they were on open seas so there were no corners at all. Still, with the damage to the Prancing Joey's rudder—thanks to a grave error on the part of helmsman Robert Downey Jr. who had a tipple too much of whiskey and ended up breaking said ship part on the reef—they were indeed as good as cornered.

 

"Oh, don't you fret about it, Martin!" Tom reassured his First Mate. "I'm sure Captain Hemsworth will give us quarter. I'll make sure to beg properly."

 

On the other ship, Captain Christopher Hemsworth was grinning ear to ear that he finally has the notorious pirate right in his sights. He turned to his First Mate Benedict Cumberbatch who was looking at the downed ship through his spyglass. "Mr. Cumberbatch, do you see Captain Hiddleston?"

 

Benedict did not reply. Instead, he continued to look through the spyglass, a wicked smile going up the corners of his lips.

 

"Mr. Cumberbatch?"

 

"Hehehehehe."

 

**_"BEN?!"_ **

 

It was only then that the First Mate lowered the scope. "Oh, sorry about that Captain! What were you asking?"

 

"I was asking you if you see Captain Hiddleston."

 

"Oh. He's there. You can see for yourself."

 

Christopher grimaced at his still grinning officer who handed the spyglass to him. "It seems to me you're quite taken with Hiddleston's First Mate Mr. Freeman. I never figured you for the type who likes men who are…well…ordinary."

 

"My dear Captain," Cumberbatch declared, wagging his eyebrows, "don't you know that it is those who are plain-looking who are amazing firebrands in bed?"

 

"I would argue with you on that," Christopher replied, as he gazed at the ship opposite them. It just so happened, right at that moment he peeked through the spyglass, Tom spun around on deck and yanked down his trousers, wiggling his pale buttocks for Christopher to see. Although Freeman was aghast at his captain's antics, the other pirates hooted and cheered their approval. Christopher had to choke down a laugh when a drunken Downey and a mischievous Jeremy Renner, who served as both boatswain and cook on Tom's vessel, reached up and each pinched a buttock. Furious, Tom started whacking the two pirates with his hat. "Ah, yes, Ben," Christopher ended up chuckling. "I would DEFINITELY argue with you on that."

 

Much to Christopher's amusement, Tom pulled up his trousers and turned on his heels to gaze back at him. He leaped onto the railing, his hand holding on to a rope. The blowing wind caused his loose white shirt to cling to his slender figure. "It seems I have you at a disadvantage, Captain Hemsworth!" he called out tauntingly.

 

"I believe it's the other way around, Captain Hiddleston," Christopher corrected him back.

 

"Oh, I don't know. Despite our inability to maneuver at the moment, we do have you outgunned."

 

"True, you have more guns on your ship, but I don't see a single one of them poking out of their respective holes in your gun deck right now. We, however, have every single cannon pointed straight at your ship and we're prepared to blow you out of the water."

 

Tom laughed at that. "What? You call those cannons? They wouldn't be able to hit the broadside of my Joey."

 

Before Tom could say more, below him, Jeremy was waving to the other ship. "Ahoy, there!" he shouted. "Is Captain Scarlett over there? May I speak to her please?"

 

Second Mate Christopher Evans, who chose to go by his family name of 'Evans' to distinguish him from his captain, smiled at that query. From their intelligence, they were all aware of Renner's infatuation with Captain Scarlett Johansson.

 

Evans could not help answering with much regret, "I'm afraid we're the British Navy, Mr. Renner.  In case you've forgotten Captain Johansson is a pirate, like yourselves."

 

"So I take it First Mate Gwyneth is not there too?" Downey inquired dourly.

 

"No, I'm afraid not."

 

However, seeing the hunk of gorgeous male specimen that the second mate on the other boat was, Downey declared, "But you'll do, sir. Your name?"

 

There was no mistaking the amorous look in Robert's face, causing Evans to blanch. "I'd rather not."

 

Tom growled at the two men. "Will you two stop doing that? You're embarrassing me!"

 

Christopher's ship doctor Mark Ruffalo went up on deck as well. "I truly hope there isn't going to be any bloodshed. We don't have enough medical supplies."

 

"Ooh! Ooh!" Robert exclaimed at the sight of Ruffalo, and he was visibly drooling. "You'll do too!"

 

**_"I SAID STOP THAT!"_ **

 

A young man with long, dark brown hair and with soot around his eyes, making him look like a demented raccoon, emerged from below the deck of the Prancing Joey. He was genuinely alarmed when he saw the Elsa's cannons pointed straight at them.

 

Turning to Tom, he demanded, "Why didn't you tell me that the British Navy's here? I would've ordered the crew to get our guns ready."

 

To the surprise of everyone on the Joey, Evans exclaimed to the new arrival, "Ooh, I like you!"

 

"Our gunner Sebastian Stan, but you can just call him 'Seb'," Jeremy introduced him.

 

"Unfortunately, sir," Seb began, getting into the swing of things, "I am more interested in gentlemen who know how to shoot…if you get my meaning."

 

"I'd be most pleased to give you a demonstration of my cannon, Mr. Stan," Evans countered, with a bow.

 

As guffaws erupted from the Prancing Joey, Ben remarked with a smirk and a wink at Freeman, "Randy little bunch, aren't they?"

 

 ** _"Don't lump me in with these sex-crazed fools!"_** Martin retorted back.

 

This ridiculous exchange though gave Tom a spark of a brilliant idea. "I'll tell you what, Captain Hemsworth? I have a proposition for you. It would probably spare the both of us from unnecessary bloodshed which your doctor apparently abhors."

 

"Go on," Christopher urged him, genuinely piqued.

 

"Let's make this a cannon duel between gentlemen, just the two of us," Tom began. "The person whose cannon fires the farthest gets to fuck the other... ** _on top of his cannon_**. What do you say?"

 

 ** _"I protest!"_** Ben declared most heatedly. "Why should you two always have the fun? I say the **_crew_** of the **_ship_** whose cannon fires the farthest gets to fuck the crew in the **_other_** ship."

 

To both Hiddleston and Hemsworth's surprise, that suggestion was greeted with lusty cheers of **_"ORGY! ORGY! ORGY!"_** on both sides. Martin was vehemently against it, waving his arms furiously and crying, **_"NO! NO! NO!"_**

****

Mark was equally against it, albeit for a different reason. "Damn it, man! There can be bloodshed during orgies. Not to mention potential outbreaks of the pox, the clap…"

 

Robert was grievously offended. **_"HEY! DO WE LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF FIRESHIPS TO YOU?"_**

 

Christopher put a stop to this argument by announcing, **_"No orgies this time, gentlemen!"_**

 

**_"BOOOOOOOOO!"_ **

****

**_"Orgies will be set for a FUTURE date!"_ **

****

**_"YEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_ **

****

Christopher gave the pirate a wicked grin. "What say you, Captain Hiddleston?"

 

There was a similarly mischievous smile on Tom's face. Turning to his men, he ordered, "Bring out Emma."

 

All of the crew stared aghast at their captain. "Are you sure? We only use Emma in battle. You know how...unpredictable…she could be," Seb asked, wondering if Tom had lost his mind.

 

"Just do what I say, Mr. Stan."

 

Seb could only shrug his shoulders and comply. Martin, on the other hand, slapped his hand to his forehead. He had a very bad feeling about this.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

**_"BOOOOOOOM!"_ **

****

The crew of the Prancing Joey watched as the cannonball fired from the Dancing Elsa zoomed across the sea and fell into the water with a splash a fair distance away.

 

"That's around 1,500 yards, Captain," Jeremy made a good estimate. "I'm sure we can beat that distance…if Emma behaves."

 

But Tom was not listening at all to the boatswain. Martin's face turned sour as he glanced down at his captain, who was kneeling beside the 6-pound iron and brass cannon. Tom had even laid his head against the cannon's barrel and was caressing its metal soothingly as though it were a troublesome puppy.

 

"Come now, sis," Tom cajoled and wheedled the cannon. "You'll behave this time for your big brother, won't you? Just one good shot is all I ask. Put all your irritation and anger toward me in that one shot and let that cannonball sail off into the bright blue yonder."

 

"I think this is a very bad idea," Martin said, scowling.

 

Tom glowered back at his First Mate. "Instead of just standing there and glaring darkly at me, come join me in placating my little sister. Come on! Rub her barrel for good luck."

 

Martin rolled his eyes as he proceeded to caress Emma's gleaming barrel. The others good-naturedly followed suit, with Seb giving her a rubdown with a cloth for good measure.

 

Robert even went so far as to pour whiskey on the cannon. "To you I give my grog in offering for a winning shot."

 

Tom gave the cannon one last kiss on its first reinforce ring. "Let's set her up."

 

Together, they pushed Emma through the gun port. It was Seb himself who rammed the cannonball deep into her bore. Offering a final prayer, Tom lit the cannon's fuse. The men then put their fingers into their ears and waited for the deafening boom that was sure to come.

 

There was a reason though why the cannon was named after Tom's youngest sister, Emma Hiddleston.  Much like its cantankerous namesake, the cannon has its moods…for lack of a better term. While it was, without a doubt, the most powerful gun that they have on board, it was highly unreliable…especially when used in purposes other than a battle wherein they were on the losing end. But when it came to more frivolous pursuits, such as the one that they were involved in now…well…

 

As the captain and his devoted crew watched and waited, the fuse burned down, the sparks sputtering out in the fuse hole. But there was no deafening boom. Instead, the cannon made a noise like the pinched fart of an old man suffering from constipation, followed by a low rumble. Tom could only look on in consternation as the cannonball popped out of Emma and fell vertically with a plop into the sea below.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

**_"OWW!"_ **

 

A furious Martin tugged on the rope for good measure, making sure that the ties and knots were secure. "Serves you right, you little idiot! I told you it was a bad idea to use Emma. You never listen to me." He slapped a broken paddle to a bare rump before thrusting it into a smirking Christopher's hands. "Here. Give him a few more whacks with that, so he'll learn his lesson."

 

An anguished sob. **_"Why are you so cruel to me, Martin?!"_**

 

"Mr. Freeman, I swear to you I will punish him accordingly," Christopher promised solemnly. "Oh, Mr. Stan. Could you please lower the cannon by five degrees, if you will?"

 

**_"Don't you dare, Seb!"_ **

 

Seb proceeded to adjust the cannon's barrel so that it was pointing down a bit more. "Just following orders, sir."

 

**_"But I'm your captain. You should obey me, not him!"_ **

 

"I've been a pretty bad boy myself, Mr. Freeman," Benedict remarked to the First Mate who made a mistake of standing beside him, grinning. "I could use a little punishing."

 

"No, thank you," Martin replied brusquely.

 

Mark was utterly mortified to find Robert clinging to him like a barnacle. Similarly, Evans had wrapped his arms covetously around Seb.

 

"No fraternizing, gentlemen," Christopher pointedly reminded them.

 

There were noises of discontent and objection.

 

Christopher sighed. "As I said, orgy next time we meet. Now, go and leave us. Mr. Renner, please do kindly inform me immediately of any amorous incidents."

 

"I was hoping I could stay here and watch," Jeremy said in suggestion. But when the navy captain glowered at him, he threw his hands up in exasperation. "All right, all right! You lot heard Captain Hemsworth. Up on deck, all o' you! And no hanky panky, or I'll shoot straight in the balls!"

 

Christopher watched, amused, as Renner shoved the men back up on deck, locking the door behind him. Alone at last, he turned to admire Martin's handiwork.

 

Following some intense struggling earlier, Tom was tied securely to the cannon. His whole naked body was secured in a clinging position along the cannon's length, arms and legs wrapped around the barrel. His head faced the muzzle while his ass was tilted tantalizingly upward along the breech.

 

"You've been a very bad boy, Captain Hiddleston," Christopher declared, clucking his tongue. He then brought the flat of the oar down upon poor Tom's butt.

 

Tom's body jerked at the blow, his eyes instantly tearing up. "I swear, when I get free from this, I'm going to have this cannon fire cannonballs down your throats. **_All of you!_** "

 

"Oh, I don't know. I think Emma likes me." To emphasize this fact, Christopher ran his hand over the cannon, and Tom could swear that the gun made a noise like it was purring. "Besides, I doubt if you will be able to maneuver her, much more simply stand, once I'm through with you."

 

Tom let out a groan, although the misery behind that sound was contradicting to the way he wiggled his reddened rump enticingly. "Just have your damned wicked way with me, Captain Hemsworth."

 

Christopher already had the front of his breeches open, so that his cock sprang free from within the confining space. He even drizzled perfumed oil upon that tiny orifice from a vial he had extracted from his pocket. "Don't mind if I do, Captain Hiddleston."

 

In just a few short minutes, Christopher was pounding his prick in and out of Tom's tight asshole; such was the power of his hips that the cannon creaked back and forth with every movement. At some point, he had loosened Tom's restraints a bit so that he could raise his body a couple of inches in order for Christopher to pump the pirate's aching erection which had been painfully pressed against the cannon's barrel. It certainly did not take long for the cannon to be slick with their spurting fluids.

 

"You have defiled Emma," Tom breathed resentfully.

 

"Then change her name," Christopher said helpfully, freeing the pirate from his bonds. "You should never have named her after your sibling to begin with."

 

Tom turned around so that he was facing Christopher. Reaching down, he pushed the lever so that the cannon tilted slightly upward so that its neck rested on the edge of the gun port. Purring, he drew Christopher on top of him, the navy captain positioning himself a-straddle on the cannon's first reinforce, with his feet propped securely on the gun's base.

 

"Oh, I'm sure she wouldn't mind," Tom whispered, as he settled back down on the cannon.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

The pirates and the navy officers peered down from the deck. Except for a deeply offended Martin, they were all grinning as they watched their captains' heads rhythmically pop in and out of the gun port. While they could not see the expression on Hemsworth's face, Tom's was a vision of ecstasy, shrieks of "Yes!", "Harder!", "Shit!" and "Fuck!" spilling from his mouth.

 

"Their stamina is unbelievable," Mark could not stop himself from commenting.

 

"Hmph!" Robert snorted. "I could give you a demonstration right now to show you that I can outlast those two."

 

"I have no doubt of that, Mr. Downey," Evans put in, eyeing Seb out of the corner of his eye. "But, rather than a furious pounding like those two are doing, I would prefer to draw it out in a loooong ride which would have my lover pleading for release."

 

Seb clapped his hands over his ears. "Too much information, Mr. Evans."

 

"Don't…say…anything, Mr. Cumberbatch," Martin warned his fellow First Mate.

 

Ben opened his mouth to protest, but Martin snapped a finger up at him. With a resentful grimace, Ben crossed his arms over his chest.

 

From the Dancing Elsa, a tiny head popped out of one of the gun port. "Is someone being tortured over there?"

 

Ben gasped. They had completely forgotten about cabin boy Ty Simpkins whom they had left behind to take charge of one of their smaller cannons. "No torture, Mr. Simpkins! Please carry on manning your gun."

 

**_"BLIMEY! IS THE CAPTAIN FIRKYTOODLING THE BLOODY PIRATE?"_ **

****

**_"MR. SIMPKINS                !"_ **

****

"Yes, sir," Young Ty acknowledged his First Mate's command, displaying his resentment by shutting the gun port door with a bang.

 

Down in the gun deck, Christopher gave one, two thrusts before spilling into the pirate. "It seems you have traumatized my poor cabin boy."

 

"Hmph! He'll learn about it sooner or later. Although I could think of a better teacher than you," Tom murmured, feeling his aching ass squelching with come as he stood up and shuffled toward his clothes piled in the corner.

 

Christopher chuckled, pulled out a cigar, and lit it up using the flame from a lamp hanging from the ceiling. As he followed after the limping pirate, he said, "Captain Hiddleston, methinks you protest too much."

 

Unknown to Christopher, drops of lighted oil fell from the lamp, hitting the vent hole of the cannon. Emma exploded with a loud boom, causing Christopher to throw himself protectively over Tom.

 

The second cannonball—which no one knew Seb had loaded inside earlier after the botched, first one—struck the Elsa, blasting a hole in its side. An outraged Simpkins hurried to his own cannon and fired back at the Joey, the cannonball blasting through the gun deck.

 

As frantic shouts of **_"Cease fire!"_** rang out above deck, Christopher let out a pained sigh. "We'll help you repair your ship."

 

Tom rolled his eyes and exhaled as well. "We'll lend you a hand in the repairs of your ship as well."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Somewhere in Merry Old England…_

Four women were enjoying tea and cinnamon cookies in a lavish estate in Oxford when the youngest among them shuddered in her seat.

 

"Mother," Emma Hiddleston began suspiciously, "I think that son of yours is doing something bad again. I only get this creepy sensation whenever he's doing something particularly nasty."

 

"Oh, Emma!" Diana Servaes-Hiddleston exclaimed, patting her youngest daughter's hand. "Why do you always think so poorly of your brother?"

 

"Because he's a bloody pirate, Mum. I keep telling you that but you just wouldn't listen."

 

"Tom's a privateer, Emma," their oldest sister Sarah reminded her.

 

"The only difference between a pirate and a privateer is that the latter is commissioned to rob by the Queen. Seriously though, I doubt if he even has a commission. You just wouldn't let me inspect the bloody document. It looked like a damned forgery to me."

 

"Don't worry, Emma," Elsa Pataky reassured her. "Privateer or pirate…I'm sure my former husband will put him in his place."

 

Sarah grinned at the Spanish lady. "My dear Elsa, surely you're not thinking of doing one of your naughty novels again—about that lecher of a British navy captain and the notorious pirate that he is pursuing."

 

"Come now, Sarah! Don't tell me you're scandalized with my work. Wouldn't you be titillated to see a man in amorous congress with another man? And I must admit Christopher and Thomas are both beautiful men."

 

"Ooh! Don't say such lewd things, Lady Elsa," Diana flapped her fan before her face.

 

"Lady Hiddleston, I can see you blushing behind that fan of yours!"

 

"Well, I don't even want to think about it, much more discuss it," Emma stated huffily. "Knowing my dear brother, he'd probably do it on a cannon."

 

Elsa let out a delighted gasp. "That is an **_excellent_** idea, Emma. I'll add the scene immediately in my latest draft. I'll even give you an acknowledgement for the idea."

 

Emma rolled her eyes and stormed off, clapping her hands over her ears so that she wouldn't hear the tittering of the women she had left behind.


End file.
